Journal entries

when I think of old age, I think of what's associated to it, the inescapable death and I do fear it greatly but what I fear most about getting old is running out of interest for life and having to deal with an empty, agonising wait. the apathy is what scares me about old age. I hope I don't grow apathetic.

I thought of this whilst imagening myself '' retrieving'' to an autonomous green farm with my family once I hit the 50 or 60 years mark, but the picture I painted was so still and troubless that I got '' bored '' and scared and then I thought, maybe if I keep wanting to learn, I'll still keep on '' living''. that's probably it. You die your first death when you stop wanting to learn.